iGod – Repenting made easy

Came across this link while going through some of my old things. It made for some interesting “conversations” back in the day.

Me:
can i have a sandwich?
God:
You want only one?
Me:
two please
God:
Your polite style is very nice.  What are you wearing?
Me:
are you a perv?
God:
Am I a  perv?  Of course I am.

I came across this video while trying to figure something out and I’m sad to say that I have occasionally felt a little like a Nick Burns. I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so rude or mean about it though.

Nick Burns: Your company’s computer guy

What a dick, eh? I really wish “Andy” had been able to show him up.

Love that movie title.

Wasting time away this morning, cus I couldn’t sleep, I found this: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/453074

Following up all those words with an image. This is an older comic, but it made me chuckle.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Note: This comic strip is fairly often not safe for work, browse at your own risk.

As most of you probably know by now, George Carlin passed away a few days ago (June 22) but I was browsing YouTube and came across this piece of his act. Consider it a delayed tribute if you will.

Forgive me if I botch this a little as I’m going from memory, (read it at work) but this gave me a chuckle.

“Does anyone in this room need to be dismissed from jury duty?” the judge asked the roomful of potential jurors.
A nervous young man stood up. “I’d like to be dismissed,” he said.
“And why is that?”
“My wife is about to conceive.”
Slightly taken aback, the judge responded, “I believe you mean ‘deliver’. But either way, I agree. You should definitely be there.”

I did not write this article, I found it here, where it is explained that he found it somewhere else again, but it is no longer available at the original location (a search will find multiple results though). I thought it was humourous, and can apply to many people like myself who are sought after by users to help them with their problems. The list is specifically angled from an IT or perhaps system admin’s perspective, but with the exception of item #10 I think anyone with computer illiterate friends can relate to this.

10 things your IT guy wants you to know:

1. If you ask me technical questions please don’t argue with me because you don’t like my answer. If you think you know more about the topic, why ask? And if I’m arguing with you…it’s because I am positive that I am correct, otherwise I’d just say “I don’t know” or give you some tips on where to look it up, I don’t have the time to just argue for the sake of it.
2. Starting a conversation by insulting yourself (i.e. “I’m such an idiot”) will not make me laugh, or feel sorry for you; all it will do is remind me that yes, you are an idiot and that I am going to hate having to talk to you. Trust me; you don’t want to start a call that way.
3. I am ok with you making mistakes, fixing them is my job. I am not ok with you lying to me about a mistake you made. It makes it much harder to resolve and thus makes my job more difficult. Be honest and we can get the problem resolved and continue on with our business.
4. There is no magic “Fix it” button. Everything takes some amount of work to fix, and not everything is worth fixing or even possible to fix. If I say that you just need to re-do a document that you accidentally deleted 2 months ago, please don’t get mad at me. I’m not ignoring your problem, and it’s not that I don’t like you, I just cant always fix everything.
5. Not everything you ask me to do is “urgent”. In fact, by marking things as “urgent” every time, you almost ensure that I treat none of it as a priority.
6. You are not the only one who needs help, and you usually don’t have the most urgent issue. Give me some time to get to your problem, it will get fixed.
7. Emailing me several times about the same issue in the same day is not only unnecessary, it’s highly annoying. Emails will stay until I delete them, I won’t delete them until I’m done with them. I will typically respond as soon as I have a useful update. If it is an urgent issue, let me know (see number 5).
8. Yes, I prefer email over telephone calls. It has nothing to do with being friendly, it’s about efficiency. It is much faster and easier for me to list out a set of questions that I need you to answer than it is for me to call and ask you them one by one. You can find the answers at your leisure and while I’m waiting I can work on other problems.
9. Yes, I seem blunt and rude. It’s not that I mean to, I just don’t have the time to sugar coat things for you. I assume we are both adults and can handle the reality of a problem. If you did something wrong, I will tell you. I don’t care that it was a mistake, because it really makes no difference to me. Don’t take it personal, I just don’t want it to happen again.
10. And finally, yes, I can read your email, I can see what web pages you look at while you are at work, yes, I can access every file on your work computer, and I can tell if you are chatting with people on an instant messenger or chat room (and can also read what you are typing). But no, I don’t do it. It’s unethical, I’m busy, and in all reality you aren’t all that interesting. So unless I am instructed to specifically monitor or investigate your actions, I don’t. There really are much more interesting things on the internet than you.